Friday, August 29, 2014

Riddle me This

Sometimes, I find myself thinking that death really is the answer. After all, who would miss me? The only answer is not a good one. Death is not pretty, it's a harsh truth that wakes you up to the world around you. Life is nothing more than a beautiful fairies glamour. It disguises all the bad and makes you believe that nothing is wrong when truly... Everything is. after about a year, you wouldn't even remember I ever lived. No not lived... I only ever survived I went day today, waking up and losing a little more of myself. That's not life, that's definite gift box. Every morning, it cold to me. Why not end it? You don't deserve to be here. Answer me this:, if suicide is wrong, why do people push others to their breaking point and expect them to be ok? Why do people constantly demean and criticize the week knowing what would happen? You know why? Because we are destroyers. We find everything we can to ruin others, and when someone ruins us, we wake up. We see all the bad and none of the good. We decide that we aren't good enough anymore, and in some ways we are right. we are brought down to this depression and expected to deal with it are so, because asking for help means that you will never be good enough. And would we can't take it anymore, we enjoyed ourselves. Even in finding freedom, we are wrong. how can you sit there, looking at me like I have lost plot, when you know that I am right? Now Riddle me This... If you have nothing to live for, why bother living at all?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014


I'm here again.
The one place I can be myself.
I'm the creator of this imaginary world,
Anything I think is Law.
It's the only place that people don't judge me.
This is where I am at peace.
There is no war,
No violence,
or even prejudice.
You're here too,
Only here, You actually notice me.
I'm not just the girl who sits next to you,
and makes you laugh.
Just for those few hours- I am happy.
But nothing ever lasts.
Buildings crumbles,
Metal rusts,
Dreams fade.
When I re-enter the world of the living,
I'm just the invisible friend you rarely remember,
From a distant past.
It's frustrating,
Not being noticed the way you want.
I'm always longing to return to my mind,
So that I can be much happier than i was before.
Why can't fantasy stop showing me things I can't have in reality?
I can't have you,
So my alter ego imagines how she would have handled things.
She's mad at me.
Infuriated because I'm not being me.
But who I am expected to be.
I agree with her,
So here it goes.
Don't ignore me.
I feel rejected and dejected when you do.
I can't breath,
Can't think,
I can hardly see,
And your at fault for it!
You appear in my dreams,
And imaginings.
That's why I love it there so much.
I hate how stupid I'm being about this,
But I can't think of any other words to use...
Well, go on.
Stab the Sword of Rejection into my abdomen,
And walk away.
That's what they always do.
Swords of Rejection,
Daggers of Loss,
Arrows of Hate,
And Bullets of Ignorance,
have all pieced my flesh at one point or another.
Some hurt worse than others,
This will be one of those times.
Send me into an endless slumber,
Where I can Dream of freedom and just be happy.
Because I know that you will say fair well sooner or later.
Sooner is better I guess.
That way I won't have to wait for your interest to shift,
And you to say that you love someone else.
Good-byes are always painful,
Especially when you never got a chance to say hello.
At least you'll be happy.
That's all I want for you.
Endless Happiness.
And if that means forgetting I ever existed,
Well then,
I guess I'll just turn around
and pretend that I don't know you.
I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable.
I only wanted to tell you how I felt,
Before I left.
This is my Good-bye

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Biting Blades

Drip...Drip...Drop. A Rush of Crimson Pain and Liquefied Rubies bleeds my memories and sorrows as I slowly drag my Pewter Blade across my Porcelain Skin. Tear-shaped Rubies hit the sink. The sting of a fresh scar doesn't hurt nearly as much as the regret of Failing again. I disappointed you, Broke my Promise. How could I? You're the only Person whose feelings I care about and I let you down. Another slice from the Blade makes me several hundred Ruby drops richer. I know you don't love me, no one can, so why am I here? If it pleases you, You'll never hear from me again. For you, I will bear on in imprisoning silence, Dying inside for you to be free of me. All my words turned to liquid red ink slowly sinking down the drain so that you need never hear them. My silence is your freedom, my gift to you. I will use these beautiful rubies to write you a poem I'm my skin, one you will never see. My Heart, Mind, and Soul belong to you. Keep them, Break them, or Throw them away as you please... The choice is yours, My Dear, all i can do is Cut my way through the pain in a Biting bitter silence.


Love, a bitter music that sings only sorrow. How can my heart break and re-break everyday? No matter what I do, I am reminded of you. You eyes, in which I see the Greens and Golds of a Panthers eyes or Summers Essence... Your Laugh, where I hear the sounds of Spring thawing the harsh Winter... Everything about you pulled me in and made me yours, and now I see you in Everything I do or see. Mornings are filled with my chest being heavy with realization that you're no longer there. Every Afternoon, I cry because I will possibly never feel your hugs again. And every Evening, I lay awake knowing that you'll never hold me close again. Before you, I was just like any other person... I was strange in a way that was considered 'normal'. But now, I'm Broken. I cry at random moments because I can't get you out of my head or my heart. It hurts knowing that I can't stop thinking about someone who has Probably forgotten all about me. After all, I'm just one person in a sea of plenty, easily forgotten and never really there. One day, maybe I'll be able to Freeze my Heart so that I feel nothing but numb. Until such a day comes, I must constantly deal with a heavy chest and painful heart. I wish I didn't Love you, that I could move on from Loves Bitter-Sweet Agony, but every time I feel like I've taken one step away, the Thorny Vine of a Wilted Black Rose pulls me back in. And whenever I feel that surely I mus be out of tears I break down once more. Whats the Point of a Broken Heart? Especially one that no one can fix.

Little Sparrow

Maybe one day, I'll be whole. Perhaps in the Future, I'll know what to do. But for now, I'm a burden. I weigh everyone down, Pulling them with me down to the bottom of the deepest Abyss in the Pacific Ocean. For now, I give up. Why try to Live, when you are nothing? Why attempt to Fly, when you are caged? I flap my Muddied brown wings, but only hit my head on the roof of my cell. This Prison is the only home I know, and i am trapped by my own inability to Fly. Will I ever be free? Ever find a Home? Be a part of a Family? I want so much to escape what holds me back, But the Masters don't sleep anywhere but my own Nightmares. I am forever haunted by my past... Will I ever forget? No rest for the Wicked, now i understand.Such evils cannot rest, for they are too busy plaguing me. No rest for the Run-Down Victims either. I wait until the day they drop the key to my cage... I just hope that day comes before they clip my wings. Family is meant to help you, But where has my family gone? Vanished without a trace. Home... Oh, how i long for a place where my frail heart may call home, but no such place exists. Can someone free me? i grow so tiered of captivity. I'm nothing more than a pet with a cruel master - fearful of the next beating... though each one is verbal. What happened to Peace, Love, and Happiness? Do I not deserve such Wondrous things? Just an imprisoned Little Sparrow, whose Soul and Spirit have been ripped from me. My song has gone mute, and fell on deaf ears before that. I crave freedom and companionship, but i know i will never receive it... Maybe one day, I'll find hope. Perhaps in the future, I'll know better than to fly into a trap.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


Haunted Melodies on Winters Delicate White Wings float gracefully in written Memories while heart-breaking lyrics dance mournfully across the off white pages. The elegantly looping notes of a painful Harmony is all that remains of my glass heart now... There's not even a tear-inducing Violin to accompany them anymore. Music had always been an escape for me, but now it's a prison... The Measures becoming the bars of my incarceration with no door. I'm trapped in the sheet music between Clefts and Rests while notes slowly disappear into Oblivion one-by-one. When will it end? I just want to be free. Music is all i have now, i can claim nothing as my own. I am an Angel with Broken Wings and no place to go. It's been too long since I've slept. I just lie awake listening to Mozart, and counting the beats. i wish i could sleep, cause to sleep is to dream, and to dream is to escape the never ending music of Sorrow. Sadly i must fight the songs threatening to take over my soul and turn it into nothing more than a high-pitched whistling in the wind. What is music, anyway? Who really knows, but those who create and understand the hidden meanings in each note and measure? I've listened to the messages in lyrics and  disguised as Melodies, and even I can not fully understand the tunes I, myself, create. I hear all these songs about Love and Joy, but i also catch the Underlying Pain and Sorrow in the lyrics. Humanity is Cruel and Demented. We push away those who care about us, and surround ourselves with those who don't. What is it we want, if not Love? It's not Money or Power, that's just a cover-up to hide our fragile, broken hearts. i think Humans, as a slightly functioning society, should get out and listen to Natures' Symphony more. We need to find which Melodies or Harmonies make us feel more Serene. Is it the Winds or the Rains? Grass or Sky? Trees or Animals? Either way, no matter what our tune is, we need to stop fighting it, and just embrace it. i mean, no wonder Animals - Caged and Wild - are suffering, skittish, and despise us. We're destroying their homes, and putting them in Glass Prisons and Iron Cages like the have no rights, families, or feelings of their own! they are losing the Music in their Hearts. Can you hear it? The Sound of a Broken Requiem - Missing Notes - Fading to silence in the Background? That's exactly what's happening to both Animals and Humans alike.We're fading. We no longer care about anything, and it's only getting worse. We are becoming ghosts, nothing more than Shades of former selves. We used to be Graceful Angels, but now... We've been kicked from Heavens most beautiful chorus, down to Earths rough, unpolished tones. We went from from Bliss to Hell. Slowly, but still fast enough, we've lost sense of right and wrong, and we don't even seem to feel anymore. Just as well, seeing as Humans these days don't need Actual emotions... We've already mastered singing False tunes to the Silence of the Night

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Sun and Moon

He looks to her and says
"I ask myself each day,
How am I supposed to live without you?
You are Mine,
And always will be...
But I am little more than a peasant in the presence of a Goddess.
You are the Moon,
I look up and see your out most beauty,
And just wish and want 
I consider myself lucky to know you...
Why do you run?"
She looks to him and cries
"You are the sun.
Without your light,
My world will no longer exist.
You think you are a peasant?
I am a beggar,
I beg that you see you are more,
That I am less,
And know True the words I speak!"
The Moon sees Darkness surrounding it,
and believes she too is a Darkness,
Never seeing the Light she casts,
Hoping only to meet with the Sun,
She only knows the Cold of the Midnight Sky,
And Longs for the Suns Warm Rays.
The Sun see all the Light,
And believes it dull,
Always knowing that it will be the same.
Loving His time with the Moon,
Because he knows she is Dark,
And longs for the Knowledge that he warms her.
Each year they wait,
The Moon growing and shrinking in her impatience,
And each morning Fading out of View...
The Sun beaming brilliantly,
But each night he weeps crimson tears for his Beloved
Both just await the few days they can intercede,
And be Together.
This is not a Tale of Love,
But Rather Sorrow,
For the Sun and Moon rarely meet,
But when they do the Whole world watches in Awe,
Because the Beauty of the sight ...
Is more than we mere Mortals can compreheand